Dear Diary,

Recording equipment costs too much. Please have Santa send me a sugar mama. That is all.

-Ryan


So I am in the throws of trying to decide if I am going to move again soon (since 48 moves in 34 years hasn't obviously been enough). That leaves me in the lurch of trying to decide whether I want to re-work my recording set-up, which entails some new purchases, or just wait till I move again.

The ups and downs? I hate to buy even more stuff to move should I choose to move again so soon, let alone break it down. However, not knowing when I am going to move again has put my recording plans on "indefinite" hiatus. Decisions, decisions.

If you're curious, I am working towards home recording of my own music and covers as well as beginning my portfolio for voice-over work.

Diaries of a Mad Blogger

Okay, so as usual I got distracted for a few days and forgot to update anything here. Sue me. I just started this blog as a personal business and mindless rambling spot for myself and my readers, so odds are those few days would have just been filled with inane babble... you know, like normal.

Here's the low-down on what I have going on right now:

- I am working on buying a condo/town home of my own because I am sick of living in a place that I can't make upgrades or renovation to. Plus, I feel that "rent" is just money pissed down the drain... pardon my french.

- I am still working on two novels. Let me tell you now that it is a very, very stupid idea to write two novels at the same time. Then again, stupidity has NEVER stopped me before.

- I am in the process of restructuring my media network sites because I got off track for a while. Don't like that. Not going to have any more of it.

- I am looking for some local musicians who want to work on some music together. Unfortunately, you don't see a lot of "band members wanted" in the styles of music I wish to preform: folk/light jazz.

- Whilst under the fits of a 103 degree fever (my base is 97.4, so that's toasty for me) and massive amounts of medications, I came up with the premise, plot, character bios and setting for a new, dark graphic novel that I would like to develop. I can't draw to save my life, but I know some people who are fantastic artists.

- Apparently I am racist. Not that I knew this, but it would seem that if I think someone is "stupid" and they happen to be anything other than Caucasian... I am a racist. Go figure. I'm so going to have to inform half my friends and a good portion of my own bloodline.

- I really want to help a lovely little lady I met through Youtube a while back with her music project because I am simply enamoured with her music. Right now she is in the process of finishing the Copyrighting of her album for publishing. As soon as she can use my help, I am there.

- I think I am also setting up a secret plot to clone her from skin samples left on her harp, because she is all sorts of awesome. Of course, I can't let her know this... oh damn... she can read this. *whistles innocently*

- Video games, video games, video games. I am playing tons of them. I am playing with the creators of them, the developers of them and even voice actors in them. I really want to hate these things, but they are stupidly fun sometimes. If you would like to play some with me, you can pretty much find me through the name Malachi1975 on anything. If not, just message me. I'll even join "you're server" if you are nice enough.

- I am still looking for a word that rhymes with "orange". I refuse to give up.

- I still stand firm in my belief that ghosts were people too. Show them some respect people!

- I've tasted purple. Enough said.

- I cannot leave "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" on when I am trying to work as I find myself in a trance where I drool. It's honestly not a pretty sight.

- I am using this blog to blather blatantly and bewilderingly before beginning back to basics.

- I like alliteration.

Well, that should be just about it for now. I am going to be frantically working my fingers off typing and writing and flicking M&Ms at passing neighbors (don't knock it till you try it). I am not dead yet despite what you have heard or what I may have told you in the past.

Anger Man-agement

For those of you who don't know the details of who I am or whatnot, let me preface this with a simple "I've been through a lot of crap". Hopefully that will suffice somewhat for now.

I've had this discussion with a handful of people in my life recently and I really think some people have an skewed perspective on the word "management". Okay, I admit it, I have a temper. Walk a mile in my shoes and then, besides being a mile away and me being barefoot, see how you act. Frankly, I am a bit tired of hearing from some "fair weather" individuals in regards to my temper.

You should know that I don't randomly assault people in fits of rage. In fact, I have a very strong stance against violence when I am angry. If that sounds a bit off to you, you're paying attention. I am not saying I never resort to violence. I am saying that I do not let myself traverse that path when under the sway of anger. I'll fight in defense of myself or someone I care about, but I would prefer to be in control emotionally when doing so.

So what's all the fuss with the "anger management" crap? Well, I think the easiest way to sum things up is pretty much the same way I sum it up for people who waggle their fingers at me when telling me I need to "control my temper". If I've had a day where I feel particularly ill and/or have been in an inordinate amount of pain and I lash out at the nearest inanimate object, I AM managing my anger. How so? Well, did I kill the person in the room with me? No. Anger managed. Did I tear the hood off the car of the twit who opts to honk his horn at 6am, several times, rather than get out of his car and knock on the door of whoever it is he has come to pick up? No. Anger managed.

While I understand some people find it offensive or disruptive to be around someone who may be venting, I do let people know well ahead of time that I may be in that state. However, for the love of all that's good on this planet STOP telling me to "manage" my anger when I kick a pillow across the room. No one got hurt. Given what I've dealt with in the last 10 years I should probably be a bloody war criminal. Kicking a pillow and cussing like Yosemite Sam is pretty tempered if you ask me.

Anger "removal" and anger "management" are two wholly different things. Please learn that before you cast a stone. Fair enough?

Of Women and Zombies

If you've known me at all in the last decade or so of my life then you know I have a guilty pleasure issue with zombies. Okay... let me stop your sick, twisted, demented minds right there. Not THAT kind of "guilty pleasure". No, I love zombie movies, zombies games, zombie books -- sit down and read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies before you look at me funny for that one-- and zombies parties. As of late I have felt bad for the living-impaired. They thrive, as we all know, on brains. Sadly, the planet's stockpile is quickly deminishing despite a boom in population levels.

I'll go on more about Zomb-aid on a later date because that's not my line of thought today. It's fair to say that I also enjoy the fairer sex. How the hell do these two things go together, you may be asking yourself? Well before your mind spirals down to places that most probably should not be visited, let me explain.

In recent days I have found myself attracted to ladies who share my passion for the "undead". It makes sense; birds of a feather flock together, why shouldn't corpses? Okay, corpses probably don't "flock" per se... do they? In layman's terms I am coming to a more open realisation that I've had a habit of actually dating or being in relationships with or whatever label you choose to use, women who actually didn't share a lot of my interests.

Now, let me lay to rest any concern you might be having at this point. I do have interests that encompass more than just the morose and morbid. Again, if you know me, you know I am into music from the perspective of a musician. You also know that I am a fan a literature and an avid move fanatic. Proudly I admit that, at the age of 34, I am still a fan of video games. Those are just a few of the cracks that make of the facets of who I am. Lord knows I am cracked.

To the title of today's blog, though, I find myself inexorably intrigued by women who are also into the undead apocalypse. I don't know if it's really just a matter of that particular interest, but it has caused me to step back and take a look at my relationship history for a moment. I think it could really be more of a case that, and let's be honest, fascination with the walking dead is a rather "less ordinary" interest. Therefore, I think now when I meet women who share that interest I realise that they might actually be close to more of my overall likes and dislikes... or they are just out to eat my brains. It could also just be that 12/21/2012 is rapidly approaching and anyone who knows anything knows that this will be the day that the dead rise up and inheret the world! I mean, who's more "meek" than "the dead"?

In closing, as I attempt to put my thumb on the chaos that are my random thoughts, I just have to say that I find it funny what little things can actually draw your attention towards another person. Some people like art, other people like travel and yet others again like the reanimated dead. Everyone has their quirks and tastes. Ironically enough, I am necrophobic in reality. NecroPHOBIC... sickos.

So if you do anything today, I hope it's eat and breath. I may love stories about the undead, but I don't want to see you go anytime soon. After you've done that, stop and take a moment and ponder what oddities might actually be catalysts for attraction in your mind. And remember kids, the mind is a terrible thing to waste... especially when there are zombies inn third-world nations starving.

Social Networking: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blog

Let me start by saying that I come from a time before the Internet as we know it. I belonged to that age old institution that was the Users of the BBS. I remember when 2400 baud was fast. I remember when my 5.25" floppy disks had to walk barefoot in the snow... uphill... BOTH WAYS.

That said, I find myself obsessed with social networking. Sure, the fact that I pretty much never get out probably has something to do with that, but there's more.

My current obsession of choice is actually Facebook. My poor MySpace account sees less use than Michael Vick's morals. Okay, that was a low-blow, especially considering I don't really follow football. I digress, Facebook. Facebook hooked me with one feature: Friend recommendations.

When I first signed up for Facebook it was something that was just between me and the literal handful of few friends that I opted to keep in touch with. Randomly, after meeting up with one or two people from my past old friends began to pour of the proverbial woodwork. But wait, there's more! Beyond reconnecting with friends who had been in touch with friends, I started finding people I had never met.

There is rhyme to my reason here. See, back in the BBS day it was a given that I was in the same general geographic region as those I was "online" with. Why? Because BBSes were connected by local phone numbers. However, things have changed as the Internet, along with three old men who control the world regardless of what people try to convince me of, has figuratively made the world a "smaller" place.

Now I am meeting and coming to know people from all over the world. That's great... to an extent. Here is the dilemma I have found myself in; I am meeting or becoming acquainted with people who, in all likelihood, I probably won't be able to have over randomly for weekend movie and dinner-fests. Why? Because some of them are hundreds to thousands of miles away.

I know this might sound odd to complain about, but ask yourself if you've ever come across this. Have you ever met people "online" that you think would make great friends and fellowship folk only to be foiled by that pesky thing called distance? I'm not just talking about "internet relationships", I'm ever leery of those. I am just talking about finding people who you think would actually enrich or better you life having them involved?

If you answered no, then you either have everything you need in life, for which I commend you, or you've just not met the right people. If you answered yes, welcome to my club. No, there are no special benefits to this club, but we can have weekly meetings if you want.

So, you may be wondering why I am babbling on and on and on and on and on... sorry. Well, here's the rub: I am a pretty extroverted and open guy. More so than others and to the point that some people will look at me like I am a bit odd. Let me assure you, I am most certainly odd. Back to the rub. Do I change who I am and how I act online so as to not seem "forward" or do I just keep going with business as usual?

Before you answer that, let me explain that I am the type of person who can meet someone for the first time and, within moments, be talking with them as if I have known them for years. Despite some of my retentive rules in my life, I am a people person. I thrive of people... sometimes with a nice Merlot. So, with that in mind, understand that "business as usual" would also mean that "online" I am likely to just start speaking with someone whom I have just met as if they were an old friend.

Either way, I will do what I do because it's who I am. However, what about you? What do you think? Do you change your behaviour at times or do you remain a constant? Just a little food for thought.

Diaries of An Aspiring Writer

I've tried just about every medium of writing in the last 20 years or so. Some have taken, others not so much. Oddly enough, I've never done something as simple as a "Blog". So in the spirit of the great explorers who have preceeded me I say "Why the fuck not?". Okay, to be fair, I doubt many of them were quoted as saying that, but I am quite certain they thought it at least once.

Enough about me, let's talk about me. I am in the process of debating whether or not I should attempt to keep my private websites going. If you're not familiar, I've been an entertainment and electronics consumer review writer for a while. I've been attempting to publish my own work and run my own network for a couple years now. However, beyond that I have actually written for several already existing networks.

Right now I am starting to think the latter experience was better. Letting someone else worry about the hows and whys whilst I just write was nice. Sadly, it's also less profitable. Then again, my last attempts have pretty much resulted in a lot of money in product and licenses bled from my already withering checking account.

Let me be frank right now when I tell any of you who may be pondering the idea of writing as anything more than a hobby; unless you can actually commit, don't do it. I say this not out of a concern for failure, but because it is quite easy to let someone else down or be let down yourself.

With that said, I am going to run with the blog concept for the time being. What that means is, should you choose to read with any regularity, you will be subjected to my random whims and thoughts. Should you choose to not read here, I will just hunt you down and hound you with my opinions anyway because that's just the sort of ass I am.

'nuff said.

Dear Hair...

For the last decade you have been sneaking out at night. Last year I kicked you out, but I made the mistake of letting you come back these last few months. I want you to know that I am done with you. I've thrown the rest of your stuff out. Do not come back unless requested.